4/20/2012 7:09 PM ET|
Should you pay for kid's college?
It’s not an all-or-nothing decision, and parental advice and encouragement can also help your student earn that degree.
Like virtually everything else about parenting, the topic of who should pay for college tends to bring out extremes of opinion.
At one end of the spectrum are the parents who declare their jobs are done when their progeny turn 18. "I've fed them, clothed them and kept a roof over their head," these parents reason. "If they want to go to college, they can pay for it."
At the other end are the parents willing to bankrupt themselves so Suzy can attend her dream college. They're the ones who ask me if they should take out a massive home equity loan, or withdraw the money from their retirement accounts, to pay the oversize bills.
Let me make the modest proposal that the best approach for many families is somewhere in between these opposites. You shouldn't sign your kid up for an education you can't afford. But even if you can't contribute a dime toward college -- many families can't -- you also shouldn't simply wipe your hands of the whole matter. Your kids need you to be an active participant and adviser if you want them to avoid a debt disaster.
Whenever I hear from young people with mind-blowing amounts of debt, like a woman who racked up a quarter-million dollars of loans for a bachelor's degree or a med student on his way to half a million dollars in debt, they're often kids from modest homes whose parents don't have college degrees themselves. The parents didn't or couldn't provide guidance on how much debt is reasonable, and their children likely will be paying for that for the rest of their lives.
It may be just as bad to let your darling think any education, no matter how expensive, is within her grasp just because you're footing all or part of the bill. If you won't have the full cost saved up before she starts -- elite private colleges run $60,000 a year or so now, and that cost will continue to soar -- then you need to start managing her expectations long before she starts applying to schools.
That means researching your options. You can start by checking out the net cost calculators of the schools you're considering. Not all net cost calculators are accurate, warned Lynn O'Shaughnessy, the author of the upcoming second edition of "The College Solution: A Guide for Everyone Looking for the Right School at the Right Price."
Calculators that ask only seven or eight questions won't be as predictive as those that ask 30 or more, she said. But you should be able to get a ballpark idea of how much the schools will cost your family.
You also can fill out the detailed expected family contribution calculator at FinAid. Using this calculator usually takes some time, but it can give you an idea of how much public and private schools will expect you to pay out of pocket.
You can match those expected costs against the amount you have saved for school and how much you think you can contribute from your income to see if a school might be affordable. If there's a yawning gap between your resources and your expected contribution, it might not be.
To pay for school, parents shouldn't:
- Cut back on their retirement savings.
- Borrow from retirement funds.
- Take on loans that would require them to delay retirement.
Borrowing against home equity is risky, too, because that's a financial cushion you may need in an emergency or to fund your retirement.
What's more, borrowing vast amounts of money or postponing retirement to pay for college isn't necessary, O'Shaughnessy said. Your kid has too many other, affordable options to get an education for you to bankrupt yourself.
"Don't sacrifice and throw your family into financial turmoil," said O'Shaughnessy, who offers a workbook for parents called "Shrinking the Cost of College" at her website, The College Solution. "People get too hung up on the grand name. Smart kids will do well, wherever they go."
For those of you who think your kid can just skip college -- your numbers are dwindling, but I know you're still out there -- let me give you a little context. Yes, these days there are college graduates without jobs. But people without college degrees have twice the unemployment rate as those who have them, and the picture isn't going to get brighter down the road as good union and manufacturing jobs continue to disappear. Some post-secondary education will be all but essential for those who want at least a middle-class standard of life. For more, you can read "Should your kid skip college?"
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I too went to college and my parents never helped me with a dime. I worked all through college and became as efficient as I can to get through it. In fact my parents wanted me to go to work right after high school but I knew that was the wrong thing after companies started collapsing. College will expand your mind and see entirely new outlooks on life. If you do it by yourself you will be stronger in character in the end, and remember to shop around ...
Why does FASFA require the the parents to take loans or pay for a portion of their childs college costs. They should require the student to take federal or private loans to pay for their schooling, a parent can help but not bankrupt themselves to pay for school. My child has a 3.85 GPA and is finishing his sophmore year and he can not get any grants or scholarships, but a low income student with a 2.0 or lower GPA can get a free ride, whats wrong with picture.
The decision to pay for college is up to the family, but the aid application process needs to change to be more reflective to the times.
I went to college when I was in my early 30's. I was divorced, a military veteran, working full time, and I had to live with my dad so I could afford my child support and other bills. I was working 50 to 60 hours a week and attending class 4 nights a week. I will NOT say it was easy. It was one of the most difficult tasks I have had to ever do. I used the GI Bill to help pay for my schooling and I took out some college loans. The only help my dad gave me was he let me live at home at no cost (other than buying my own food and paying a simple utility bill every once in a while) and he LOANED me $500 to buy my first semester's books until my GI Bill money came in and I had to repay him.
I strongly encouraged my son to go into the military and let them pay for his college education. But as you can probably tell by now, his mother had other plans for him.
I have told him that I will not pay for his college education. He was not the best student high school and there were many times he simply just didn't try. He would not do his homework, study for quizzes or tests. So, my personal feeling is that he has NOT EARNED THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR MY HELP. If he done all the things he was suppose to do in the first place, I may be more willing to help him with his college expenses. But, until he shows me he can be responsible enough to do the school work (all while not living at home), I am not sacrificing my savings, retirement, or home to pay for him to go party in school.
For this reason, I will not pay for my kids' college education. I will allow them to live at home rent free provided they honor the house rules, keep their stuff tidy, and help out with a few chores. I believe the real world experience of working helps keep young people grounded and provides incentive to study REALLY HARD.
I think it is the parent's responsibility to pay for college. I know many people would disagree but this is my view. No child asks to be here....people make that decision to have children. Before making that decision, think about the cost of those children. I have one daughter for whose college education I paid. I was a single mother who paid for my own college education. Not a single penny from anyone. No child support. When I decided to have my daughter, she was no where around. I made that decision. It was my responsibility to make sure she was well educated and had all advantages to make a success of her life. She started college at 17. During her years at college, I never bought anything for myself. I learned to recycle fashion and make do with what I already had.
When she graduated at 21, I cried. I knew she was starting life without the encumberance of a single student loan. Now 4 years later, she continues to make this black single mother proud. She bought a brand new house a few months ago and continues to shine. I decided to have her. I took on that responsibility. I was obligated to make sure she was equipped to make the 'best go' of life. I knew I could not afford to do this for more than one child, so I had one. Parents need to recognize their responsibility and their obligation.
People are on a real "college paper" isn't worth anything kick lately. While I don't totally disagree with that statement, it could mean a whole lot more 25 yrs from now when my kids might be graduating. People say its a waste of money yet look at all we waste our money on each year. Its only a waste if you deem it a waste. College is a waste for some that can't get jobs. Yet its a life saver for the child that gets a quality job. "Waste" depends on the party.
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