9/12/2011 6:14 PM ET|
The cost of wedding-day cold feet
If you've lost your nerve, prepare to also lose lots of deposits. Let's not even think about the nonrefundable items you bought. Oh, and the wedding party will be stuck with some bills, too.
Wedding couples who let a case of cold feet cancel their plans will be lucky if their relationship is all that gets lost in the exchange.
Wedding jitters and nullified nuptials are just fine when it's Julia Roberts' "Runaway Bride" lacing up the track shoes or Simon Pegg's "Run, Fatboy, Run" character on the lam from responsibility, but they can become costly for grooms or brides looking to bail out before the big day.
The average cost of an American wedding last year, including the engagement ring, was $26,984, according to The Knot's Real Weddings study. The fact that the total price dropped 5% from the year before likely comes as little consolation to former couples whose wedding investments were wiped out by second-guessing and doubt.
"There are a lot of costs associated with the wedding that are nonrefundable at the very beginning," says Amy Eisinger, associate editor of WeddingChannel.com. "Typically that includes the engagement ring -- even if she says no -- and the wedding ring. Same with your formalwear, wedding dress and bridesmaids' dresses."
By buying an engagement ring, which averaged $5,400 last year, couples are already putting a nearly 20% nonrefundable deposit down on their ceremony. Add on the average costs of a wedding gown ($1,099), groom's attire ($216), bridesmaids' dresses ($139 a pop, for an average of four bridesmaids) and groomsmen's gear ($146 apiece, for an average of four groomsmen), and that $7,855 couples are forfeiting is already nearly 30% of the wedding's cost. That doesn't even factor in the average $784 and $572 that wedding research company The Wedding Report says couples spent on bride and groom wedding bands, respectively, in the first half of 2011.
"We have no data on cancellation costs or last-minute jitters," says Shane McMurray, the chief executive and founder of The Wedding Report. "They are usually completely disengaged by this point."
What McMurray's firm does have, however, is a pretty good idea of what runaway brides and grooms are paying to make the panic go away. In the first half of this year, the engagement ring, wedding dress, groom's attire and wedding bands were more than 31% of the $18,859 average total cost of the wedding, according to The Wedding Report.
The remaining portions aren't fully refundable, either. Real Weddings put the average cost of a ceremony venue at $1,393 last year, while a reception venue, including food, drinks, bar service and fees, went for $12,124. If a couple gets lucky and manages to put down only a 10% to 20% deposit, they'll lose only $1,350 to $2,700. If their split is somewhat more spontaneous, however, it could cost them more than $6,700 (or 50%) out of pocket. The Wedding Report puts the total venue cost at $6,900 in the first half of this year, which puts couples on the hook for up to $3,450 if they break it off.
"You have to realize that when you put your deposit down, your vendor has put that date in their book, and they are no longer taking any calls about that date," Eisinger says. "They're out potentially more money from someone else if you cancel that date."
Basically, the closer to the wedding date the bride or groom calls it off, the more it's going to cost. Canceling six months out or more gives couples their best chance of getting most of their money back, according to Eisinger, but each day beyond that threshold exacts a price. Considering most couples have already hired an officiant (whose fee averages $233, according to the survey), photographer ($2,320), band ($3,081) or DJ ($900), florist ($1,988), cake baker ($540) or even an event planner ($1,683), they're putting as much as 37% of their total investment on the line by waiting until the last minute to make up their minds.
That's not such a bad thing for airlines, whose tickets are usually the least-flexible portion of the $4,466 average price of a honeymoon. It isn't always so rough on vendors, either, especially if it opens up a date that's in heavy demand.
"Some vendors, if it's a really popular wedding date like 9/10/11 or if a bride keeps asking, will take down information from a couple and tell them that if they have any cancellations, they'll let them know," Eisinger says. "I think it's a smart idea to have a backup, especially during the summer months when it's the height of the wedding season."
A late cancellation doesn't bode well for the runaway bride or groom's chances of being invited to the family's holiday dinner the next year or for Friday night bar outings with their best friends. Bridesmaids and groomsmen who have already shelled out for dresses, tuxedos or suits are stuck paying full price. They're still getting off lightly compared with the bride's or groom's parents, whom the survey says are on the hook for 45% and 12% of the total wedding costs, respectively.
Even guests who didn't book a flight to the wedding or put up the cash for a hotel room can lose out if they suddenly find themselves saddled with an ugly, unwanted set of Parker bowls or other registry product from Bed Bath & Beyond, Williams-Sonoma, Target, Macy's, Nordstrom, Sears or other retail outlet.
"Most stores won't give you a cash refund and will only give you store credit, which can be very disappointing if you purchased a $200 gift certificate to Crate & Barrel or something like that," Eisinger says.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, there's no way to financially prepare for a case of wedding jitters. Insurance will cover illness or disaster but not changes of heart. There's always legal recourse, but by the time the case is heard and the legal fees pile up, that $26,000 can whittle down to a sum less significant that what couples ended up paying for their unused custom stationery.
"These cases tend to get drawn out, long and really emotional," Eisinger says. "It's never like someone walks away with a huge sum of money when one person sues another over a canceled wedding, and it just feels spiteful."
This article was reported by Jason Notte for TheStreet.
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16 hours before my planned wedding, I received a call from my soon to be bride asking if we could talk. When I arrived at her home her father came down the stairs and stated, "she just can't marry you." I was crushed.
About 8 years later when I met my wife, I realized how fortunate I was -- and am grateful the previous woman had the strength to tell me she was not ready to marry. I guess what I'm saying is while there may be a loss of $$$, pride, etc., it is much better to endure the humility of being left at the alter than it is to get married and be divorced "72 days later" :)
The cost of weddings are overrated, not the actual ceremony. I was never one of those girls who dreamed about a wedding at 8 and didn't have the dream of a huge wedding, or none of that. So when I was proposed to and the wedding ensued, I wanted to find the best way to have a very classy, beautiful wedding without the bridezilla of it all. We didn't want to pay for people we barely knew, and we didn't want the drama of interacting families.The only expense I hated was POSTAGE. Also, with the destination wedding, the guestlists solves itself. No feelings to hurt, bridges to burn, etc. Even though we knew who was going to come for the most part, we still had to send announcements, invitations, and newsletters to everyone to maintain etiquette. We had a destination wedding at an all-inclusive five star, adults-only resort in Jamaica, and that to me streamlined the process and the costs, tremendously. Including all the rings, even the engagement ring, which was a little more than the average price listed above, travel costs, the ceremony, reception, bridal party gifts, photographer, our wedding topped out at about $20,000. In my opinion, this was relatively inexpensive to some weddings. And it was amazing. We had about 25 guests with us. To me it was more important to offer the 25 guests the unlimited luxury of the destination wedding and spend the time with them and have a blast instead of spending the money on 200 guests that we don't really know and paying for all the extra stuff. I didn't do a bridal shower because they are stuffy and boring, but instead we had a pre-wedding celebration that was more of a reception for both of use and included more people who couldn't attend the wedding. Participating in a wedding several years ago I realized that either you do a wedding or you don't. Cutting corners to have a big wedding and not have a honeymoon is nuts. Having a bar start off as an open bar then turn into a cash bar is nuts. If money is an issue, I'm a huge proponent of going to Vegas and getting hitched, going to the justice of the peace and taking a trip afterwards. Because at the end of the day, it's about you and your spouse. In these days, there is no imaginary wedding fund that our parents saved up and the costs are on the couple. So it makes no sense to me to pay for a platinum wedding and then can't make your mortgage payment.
White sundress with spaghetti straps and a few sequins that bordered the Hem from Newport News: $30
Flower lei headpiece bought at a tropical department store: $.99
Shoes: none; married barefoot on beach in Florida--$zero dollars
Guests: 8 people
Wedding feast: $200 with beer & wine
Music: Boom Box blasting Stevie Ray Vaughn--$zero dollars
J.P. who looked like Mimi from the Jim Carey Show $100 + tip.
Marrying the sweetest man in the whole wide world; having only one more chemo treatment to endure later that month and still having my long, beautiful hair; celebrating our 10th anniversary as a wife and a breast cancer survivor in 2012 in Belize: Freakin' Priceless.
No way in hell would I go through all the planning, boring showers, emotional stress. Everything was set up and 3 days later I was married for the first time at age 49. With all the carnage of the failed marriages that I saw, it was worth the wait and I had a great time "waiting". :D
$27,000? A drop in the bucket compared to the divorce. I've seen divorces between friends and family members that have dragged on for months to years as the parties do battle, leaving permanent destruction in their wake. I've also seen many who stayed married - and are some of the most miserable people I have ever observed.
We are told to trust our feelings when our primal gut instinct kicks in. In many cases, this is exactly what "cold feet" amounts to - our guts saying "Don't do it", "I got a baaad feeling", etc. Many people blurt out "Will you marry me?" in the heat of the moment, but later have time to think about it some more, right up to the time to say "I do" ("I what?!").
If you're about to get married but your guts are saying different, do yourself and everyone else a favor - get cold feet, but not so cold that you can't run.
Remember the old joke: Why does divorce cost so much? Because it's worth it.
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