The high cost of caring for parents

It's troubling to me to see these types of articles.

Seems like everything in life is a money/cost discussion with a moral decision.

Some things you just do because it's what a compasionate human being does.

I hate that we are all squeezed for money and have to worry about being able to keep someone comfortable.

Hey insurance execs do you really think any of you is worth the milions they pay you?

I don't!

Insurance should be a non profit issue and available to all.

Peoples heath comes first, not making one insurance exec wealthy.

@criderjl

It is a shame.  And you know what almost always happens?  The kids that caused their parents the most grief and cost them the most $ are the kids that usually won't or can't help the parents.

Pure selfishness and entrenched with the entitlement mentality.

The solution?  Do everything you can personally to have your own financial house in order so your are NOT a burden to your own kids.  That also includes taking care of your body so you are less susceptible to disease and health problems before your time.

The next time someone complains to me about the petty issues of their lives, I will tell them that they should only know my mother's horrible daily routine.

Yes, her illnesses cost me a lot of money for  attendants, taxis, doctor visits outside of the care facility, and much more... plus, I have two sisters - one tries to help, but the other tells me this is outside her comfort zone while she and her husband are planning faraway trips.

I have not had a vacation in 10 years.  Sometimes I want to just run away, but I will not because this is the woman who took responsibility for her children and raised us without our father, a good man, who passed away when I was only 7 years old. 

For those who were lucky enough to have parents who cared -- the seniors of today -- I mean those who are 75+, those are the people who had spirit, and did not feel "entitled" -- they need help.

The government needs to recognize these elderly ill people and their children who are trying to provide care and also pay for caregivers.  I am very tired and stressed.  I cannot believe how many people are on line in the grocery stores with these things called "EBT" cards -- no cash.  Yet they drive really nice cars.  They are young and appear to be physically able to work. 

Give the money to the seniors -- stop giving what the seniors earned to a generation of people who think they are "entitled".  The elderly are the entitled. 

P.S. Make a will, do a lot of planning for old age, just in case you make it.

My late wife contracted a long term dibilitating disease that eventually took her life.  I had to quit my job early (age 62) and sacrifice a large portion of my own Social Security because the cost of her care was more than I was earning on my job  I also found myself constantly being called upon to help my parents with this and that as they aged and their health declined until finally I sold my home and built one next to theirs so I would not have to make the 80 mile round trip commute to their home.  As time passed I finally became the sole care giver for them as well as my wife.

After two years my wife passed followed a year later by my father. Now I continue to care for my mother who has dementia and possibly the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. My parent's savings have long been depleted in paying for their care and upkeep and I have borrowed to the max on my own home to help them but those funds are gone as well. I finally had to sell their home and most of their belongings and move my mother in with me in order to continue her care.  I estimate that I can hold out perhaps another two years before I finally have to give up and resort to Medicaid and the real possibility of a nursing home.  They had asked me to promise to do all that I could to prevent them having to go to such a care facility which is why I have gone to the extremes that I have in their behalf.  However once all the money is gone I will have no other choice.

This is very disheartening for me but after being a full time care giver for three people for almost 10 years I am exhausted and nearly bankrupt.  I had tried for years to talk to my parents about some sort of 'estate planning' but they were convinced that they had put away enough money to get them through their lives.  What they failed to understand is that they were still living with a 1960s mindset.  Care costs are easily 10 to 15 times what they were back then.  I strongly advise anyone who is approaching their latter years to consider some sort of long term care coverage as part of an estate plan so as to minimize the burden on their children.

Unfortunately I, like my parents, have procrastinated on this issue for too long and the cost of such long term care insurance is prohibitive.  So I am considering another approach.  I have discovered that I can buy citizenship in another country that has cradle to grave care for their citizens and at no cost to them out of pocket.  Also the cost of living is about one fifth that of living here in the U.S. and the climate is warm and hospitable year round.  My pension and Social Security payments more than cover my medical needs plus pays for a full time live in care giver for me if needed.  This eliminates me becoming a burden on my two sons, gives them a great place to come and visit dad in paradise, and prevents me winding up in some drab nursing home being supported by the local tax payers by having to draw on Medicaid. 

To: infavn:  I was not saying NOTHING should be paid by elderly for care.   We went through $75K my mother had in bond funds, etc., and it lasted less than the blink of an eye.   --  I was writing monthly checks for $16K, $9K, $12K, each month --etc., etc., until it was gone., plus turning over her entire social security money, of course-- This, in addition to the insurance payments they were getting.  The room ALONE was $400 day and that was just for the (semi-private) room and meals).  They pay the "aides" peanuts, and don't have enough help, yet every year the prices of care goes up and up.  . What I was saying is:  if people know ahead of time, and "in time", their parent will be going in nursing home, or needing in home care, they can move the title of their house over to duel names, or children's names.  People do it EVERY DAY.... but it's not fair to those who don't know about doing this in time.  Why should some people have to turn their house over, while others don't have to?  Just because a family visited a lawyer or a title office and put out a couple hundred bucks for the home title transfer? People who have lived in their homes for 60+ years, should not have  their homes taken by the Gestapo because they needed medical care in old age.  They should at least be able to keep 75% of the value.  The home should be sacosanct, particularly when a family lived there for decades, and worked to take care of the home, and pay off the mortgage, etc.AND the family worked hard for a decade to keep their parent OUT of a nursing home; thereby saving the state money. .   Primary home should be hands off to the government  So much for the "American Dream"... 

The young people suffer as well.  They've been cheated in all kinds of real estate schemes with the banks.... millions lost their jobs, their homes, and their credit.  In today's computer environment, losing their credit is a snakepit they are now in.  Do you think it's right people should be one job away from being stripped of medical coverage in this UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?  Obviously, if they've lost their jobs, and can't afford their inflated mortgages, etc... they cannot afford the outrageously expensive "Cobra".  It's not just old people who are getting screwed out of their homes.   Younger people have fallen victim to all kinds of financial nightmares in the environment this system has created..  Do you know how scarey it must be to be sick, or your wife or husband is sick, and can't afford a CT, or MRI, or see various "specialists"?  You have to go on welfare to get help... And that means you can't have ANTYING.... otherwise "you don't qualify".  And it's humiliating...  All over medical coverage!!!!  So what then?  Today the primary doctor is only a referring doctor to a specialist of this or that -- and without insurance or a job, it is a big problem, which costs lives in the end,  or at the least, untold stress and worry..  The people of the United States have to solve this problem.  People are dying every day, and suffering financially....  and people like you don't care.... as long as your behind is safe and comfortable.  I'm not talking about the welfare roles, and untold people having too many children with all different mothers or fathers, etc..  Something should be done about this; such as, after 2nd child, cash goes into a FUND for the 3rd child, but not given to the parent.   And too many foreigners and their families coming while we are drowning in financial problems for people who are already here.   Hold up on immigration for the immediate future unless the newcomers have a viable occupation.