12/13/2012 7:00 PM ET|
Tips for moving in with your parents
Young adults are increasingly returning home after college. If you’re one of them, these tips will help you make moving back in with Mom and Dad manageable.
More than 20% of young adults ages 25 to 34 are living with their parents. That’s a higher percentage than at any time since the early 1950s, according to the Pew Research Center, and the number is rising quickly.
An analysis, based on a Northeastern University study, counts 53% of young adults (about 1.5 million) who held bachelor's degrees and were under age 25 who were jobless or underemployed.
For high school grads, the numbers are even worse. The Economic Policy Institute says their underemployment rate was more than 50% last year.
No matter the cause, moving back in with your parents can be a traumatic crossroads experience. Your life can get much better or much worse, depending on how you handle the situation. Following are 15 ways to turn moving back in with your parents into a positive experience:
1. Expect them to treat you like an adult. You don't need a curfew anymore. Have that discussion before you move in. Some parents may have been in the habit of waiting up for you, so talking about it upfront relieves them from that responsibility.
2. Expect them to treat you like an adult (part two). Mom may have done your laundry and prepared your meals when you were 8 years old. If you allow her to continue to do that for you, you're subliminally telling her that you're still a child. Don't be surprised if she treats you like one.
3. Pay some rent. This is more important for you than for your parents. The extra income will certainlybe helpful for their budget, but knowing that you have rent due will force you to look for work. It will help you eliminate an excuse to just hang out.
4. Negotiate house rules in advance. Can you invite a group of friends over for dinner? For a party? Know what's allowed before you move in.
5. Ask for a lease. Negotiating a lease will force both you and your parents to think through some of the difficult questions that your new relationship will face. If you wait until there's an incident, it will be harder to find a good solution.
6. Expect your parents to supply a pathway, not a destination. Their job is to help you become a fully functional, self-reliant adult — not someone who's dependent upon them forever.
7. Be willing to help with routine family chores. If you're not working, it makes sense that you should help with the family grocery shopping or vacuuming.
8. Offer to pay part of the utility and grocery bills. You'll be using electricity and hitting the fridge; it’s only fair that you should pay for it. Plus, when you move out and start getting your own utility bills, it won't be such a shock.
9. Have a plan to get back on track. Create a detailed plan of what you'll need to do to get your career started and branch out on your own. Make sure the plan contains specific things that will move you closer to your goal. Then, work on at least one item on the list every day.
10. Be willing to take a job that's "beneath" you. You could wait years to find a job that exactly matches your education and training. You need money now. Take a fair job today, then look for a better one tomorrow.
11. Don't ask your parents for money. When you were a child, you might have gotten an allowance. As an adult, you don't get one.
12. Set a target date for moving out. To assume that you can stay as long as you like is to assume that you'll never grow up. Part of your goal should be to have a target of when you'll be able to afford an apartment. Your plan should keep that target date in mind.
13. Disagree like an adult. It's not easy to redefine a relationship with your parents. One way to guarantee failure is to continue to relate to them in a childish way. Some adults have a habit of stomping their feet if they don't get their way. Don't make it easy for your parents (or anyone else) to treat you like a child.
14. Don’t let your parents try to protect you from hardships. If you do, you'll be locking yourself and them into a dysfunctional relationship
15. Don't get too comfortable. Comfort is your enemy! You shouldn't be comfortable until you've reached your goals. To get comfortable now is to accept that you'll always be dependent on your parents and will always need to hold their hand when you cross the street.
More from U.S. News & World Report:
VIDEO ON MSN MONEY
Today's Lesson ~ A lesson in irony.The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department ofAgriculture, is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of freemeals and food stamps ever, to 46 million people.Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S.Department of the Interior, asks us "Please Do Not Feed the Animals."Their stated reason for the policy is because the animals will growdependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.This ends today's lesson.
In years past when young adults lived with their parents it usually indicated a problem with the life choices made by the young adult, or the parents not raising the child to be self sufficient. In today’s world that’s no longer mostly the case; jobs that use to be part time teenager jobs are filled with desperate adults, better entry level jobs young adults use to get coming out of college have become minimum wage part time service sector jobs with no benefits. Yes there are still a few good jobs to be found but not nearly enough for the numbers of young adults entering the work force. The old stigma from the past no longer holds true in this modern day. Till Washington cleans it’s self up and figures out how to work with big business to bring back our good jobs from overseas, our children and grand children will continue to pay the price.
You are born. You grow-up, go to school, do your homework, live a fairly normal life, participate in school activities, and otherwise do what you are supposed to as a child growing up only to have to move back in with your parents after you graduate college. You go to graduate school only to move back back in with the parents. With a boodle of school debt, you finally get a job making very minor duggets, with no health insurance, no benefits, no 401K only to lose that job, over and over and over and over again. In your late 50s, after losing your last job, you find yourself tired, old, with some chronic health issues, having put off marriage and having children and a family (even a dog) until your life got more settled. Your life never gets settled. You are unemployed, unemployable, your parents are dead, you are homeless in a country where you either work or you starve. Welcome to the real world. You die (of exposure). True story.
As a benefit of spending a career in the military, I have seen a lot of the world. I can tell you that there is no-place with more opportunity than the United States. There is no-place with more business, more money, freer work-rules, job training, and career choice than the United States. Many countries have very little industry and what jobs are there go to the well-connected. You have no idea how difficlut life is in the Phillippines, Mexico, Thailand or even Europe...In Germany for instance, your career path is chosen before high-school. You will either go to higher education which leads to a professional career or you go to a vocational, administrative route. Once on your chosen path, it is virtually impossible to change. In other words, if you are trained as a hotel clerk you will likely do that your entire life. As well, due to enormous regulation and powerful unions, starting your own business in Europe is virtually impossible. Americans have no idea of the freedom inherit in our system. Who wants to be a career hotel clerk. In our country, many of those types of jobs are held by students who move up to management or pursue other careers after completing their education. Don't be fooled by the juvenile, ignorant writers here at MSN. Compared to the rest of the world, you won the lottery by being born American...
Role reversal. A very real possibility for many people.
My husband and I have told our children that they can live with us for as long as they need to.
A poll for Beep
Thumbs up if you think it's you actions and not your age that define you as an adult.
Thumbs down if you think it's your age.
The new career path for Obama supporters. Too weak to fend for themselves. They spend their lives looking for a handout...
Uhhh, that's why so many employers will not hire an "overqualified" (read college degree'd) applicant. They would much rather hire a high school dropout that will never leave the menial job.
work together to have something ....there are rules where ever you live and work ....you just don't want the parents rules ...Parents remember to communicate and not demand ...you will get old and need them one day just as they need you now ...be a team together and remember comminication is the key as well as listening
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