7/24/2013 6:30 PM ET|
How my mom killed Facebook
More than the fears about future employment, it is the dread of awkward conversations with relatives that keeps us from posting.
Facebook (FB) has always been a cause for handwringing. In its early days, it was seen as a haven of debauchery -- exhibit A in the indictment of misguided youth -- as college students mindlessly posted pictures and comments. As adults, those same users discovered that their campus carousing might now keep them from gainful employment.
Now as the website settles into comfortable middle age, the handwringing comes from those in the biz-tech community who realize that Facebook's days of being a hot young commodity are over.
But how exactly did this happen? And what does Facebook do now?
It is a fairly well established fact that Facebook has a privacy problem. There have been countless stories of employees losing jobs or not being hired due to material posted on Facebook. Or kids suspended from class for posting pictures of their "sick day." There have been the various "slut-shaming" controversies, some of which have resulted in suicides. And earlier this summer, Facebook admitted it had accidentally exposed contact information for as many as 6 million users.
But these are extreme examples. The bigger problem with Facebook can be summed up in one sentence: "My mom is on Facebook."
Politics, women, alcohol
Once upon a time my Facebook posting was fairly frequent, but it has now slowed to just a couple of times a month. And it's not a lack of desire to post my thoughts that keeps me from doing it, it's the knowledge that there is absolutely nothing that I can post about that could not cause problems.
During the courtship period, most of my status updates centered on politics, women, or alcohol, all of which there are very valid reasons to not talk about on Facebook anymore. But a few weeks ago, I thought I had stumbled on a rant that was still safe for our "everybody's watching me" world: a New Yorker's frustration with tourists.
On a daily basis I arrive at the subway stop at 53rd and 5th, which, for those unfamiliar, has an extremely long escalator ride up from the depths. And frequently there are tourists who don't realize that an escalator is not a ride, but a method to help you walk faster. I thought that an angry public service announcement about this would make a fine Facebook status update.
Unfortunately my mother, like any good Midwestern Irish Mom, has decided Facebook is the appropriate place to remind me that I need to be a nicer person. To do this, she responded to the thread with a story about the first time I was on an escalator. As a 4-year-old.
Like any sensible 4-year-old in the late '70s. I was convinced that the escalator would eat me at the bottom, and threw a royal temper tantrum in the middle of the Florence Mall, refusing to descend to the ground floor. My mother ultimately had to carry me down the stairs over her shoulder, while my father pretended he had no idea who that screaming child was. Needless to say, this image, of me as a hysterical child afraid of an escalator does not particularly jibe with the ice cool Brooklynite vibe I wish that I projected.
Thus I will never post on Facebook again.
Keeps Facebook from being interesting
Lest you think this is just a complicated revenge scheme against my mom (which, let's be clear, it is), it's this exact phenomenon that keeps driving Facebook's user engagement numbers down.
Far more than the fears about future employment, more than the creepy coworker who "likes" all your bikini pictures, it is the fear of awkward conversations with our relatives that keeps us from posting to Facebook.
This fear is also keeping Facebook from being interesting. We used to view Facebook for the exact same stuff that we are now told never to post; the "I'm so hung over" status messages, the "dancing on top of the bar" videos, and yes, the bikini photos.
By this point in Facebook's existence, everyone is very much aware that you need to be exceptionally careful of what you post on Facebook. The clear-cut solution for Facebook has been to get its privacy settings perfected in such a way that no one is ever hurt by using the website, but this ignores the fundamental question of why we are on Facebook to begin with . . . or at least why we used to be.
Discussions of Facebook's failure to monetize have been numerous. Their advertising models have been either ineffective or disturbingly Orwellian. And their new strategy of sponsored posts have only increased the fundamental problem: Most of us don't want to be there anymore, and no one will say exactly why. Instead, we get occasional stories about a general concept labeled "Facebook fatigue."
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I don't have a facebook account. I don't give a crap what you're having for dinner or what you did all day. I don't care if your husband is being an **** or if you have nothing to wear. I don't want to see your drunk-**** group pictures or have sheep thrown at me.
I believe anyone whose house has been broken into because they were bragging to everyone that they were on vacation in Mexico for 3 weeks and you're stupid enough to post pictures of yourself out of the country all over the internet deserves exactly what they get. I also believe anyone who posts pictures of themselves drunk or high or whatever, then gets fired or doesn't get a job, deserves EXACTLY what they get.
They don't realize that once a picture or whatever is posted on the internet, it's there forever. Even if you delete it and close your account, it's still there.
This is the stupidest article I have ever read. First off, if you use Facebook for drunk/hungover statuses and dancing on bar videos you need to reevaluate your life. Grow up. My Facebook keeps me connected with family all over the country and I love it. I love seeing the baby pictures of cousins I will not get to meet unless I make a 5 hour long drive.
Yeah, the very first time I saw facebook, I thought how dangerous it might be in terms of privacy and such. Now that has totally come to fruition. It's still terrible too -- I can't tell you the number of websites (this one included), which will post things to your wall, FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE, without even close to the kind of safeguards that I consider to be appropriate for that kind of public communication. Bottom line: facebook is trash. I hope it dies, soon.
I was a senior in high school when facebook was introduced to the world, and do you know what made it so cool? I had to wait until my freshman college orientation to sign up! Because you could not have a facebook account without a college email address. That's what made it unique and fun. It was a place for college kids (especially freshman) to connect with the people they meet in orientation, on campus, in class, etc. Where we did not have to worry about being catfished, or creepy old men, or PARENTS. I remember the day when Facebook opened up to the public masses, where you no longer had to be in college to sign up, and all of us college kids were furious, and this is why. We could foresee the demise of an online college community that we loved. RIP Facebook.
If you have 3 different facebook accounts you have way too much free time on your hands or as I
suspect you aren't doing your job right///////////////////
Great article. My Mom's on FaceBook...that ought to do it in. I have a Facebook account and my picture is on it. I just never felt compelled to write anything or post anything. But then my birthday came and I got all these congrads, then I noticed my favorite Yahoo Vet groups were migrating to Facebook. And how did I get all these friends some I don't even know. At least I had the presence of mind not to expose my whole address book. And I keep getting these e-mail telling me people I don't even know want to be my friend.
But through all this I have kept my Luddite dues paid up and do my best to resist technology. No one knows how much I drink, smoke, chase women and no one has broken into my house and I prefer to keep it that way.
I got it, I ignore it and it amuses me!
from my experience... the older people are the worse ( parents, aunts...) ... example : My mother (60) has deleted and blocked me twice and acted like a teenager on it ! Now we don't speak at all. I now have 8 people now on my FB, real friends, real people who I would actually keep company with and people who I want to let into my life and privacy. These people that have 100's of friends... really? It's not a popularity contest.
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