Cap'n Crunch crushes questions about his rank

With wit as sharp as his namesake cereal, the 50-year-old cartoon mascot cuts down a blogger's case that he's a mere commander.

By Jason Notte Jun 27, 2013 2:45PM
Call Lucky a hopeless romantic for continuing his quest for Lucky Charms. Suggest that Sonny seek professional help for what's clearly a toxic relationship with Cocoa Puffs. Mock Count Chocula and Frankenberry for not being scary enough. Just don't try to pull rank on Cap'n Crunch: He'll carve up the roof of your mouth before you can say "aye aye."


Earlier this month -- because this is exactly the type of pedantic, insufferable society the Internet era has turned us into -- Canadian food blogger Charisma Madrang pointed out that Cap'n Crunch's uniform indicates he's not actually a captain but a commander. Madrang noted that a captain typically wears four stripes on his or her sleeve, while seaman Crunch wears only three.

This week, via his YouTube channel (because he apparently still has enough rank to warrant one of those), the animated mascot offered a response to those "mutinous ramblings." That reply boiled down to one basic declaration: Good work, genius.


"You may have noticed a few other things about me,'' he explains in the video (above). "I have four fingers. My first mate's a dog. My eyebrows are attached to my hat, for crunch sake!"


Video still of Cap'n Crunch from 'The Cap'n Crunch Show' (Courtesy of Youtube.com/realcapncrunch)He's also never been aboard a ship unless it stocked his cereal in the galley and isn't on active duty with any naval fleets or maritime organizations. Also, after the Cap'n took to Twitter to defend his cell-shaded self, his followers noted that anyone who leads a ship can be called a captain.


Never mind that his official rank is actually "Cap'n," which doesn't have a uniform designation under naval code. Horatio Magellan Crunch has been sailing seas of milk on his S.S. Guppy since 1963 and comes from a long line of intrepid cartoon explorers, including Rocky and Bullwinkle, Mr. Peabody and Sherman and Dudley Do-Right -- all created by cartoonist Jay Ward.


As a seafaring merchant, Cap'n Crunch's record is unimpeachable to his "Swift-boating talk-show host rivals." This is his 50th year of hawking his flagship brand, and he's been getting folks on board for spin-offs like Peanut Butter Crunch and Crunch Berry for nearly as long.


Cap'n Crunch is so exceptional at his job, in fact, that he just turned this little slight into a sea of 50th-anniversary publicity for both his cereal and parent company PepsiCo (PEP). Respect the rank.


More on moneyNOW

15Comments
Jun 27, 2013 3:43PM
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The good cap'n can command my breakfast fleet any morning!
Jun 27, 2013 4:05PM
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Actually, a lot of naval ship "captains" are only three stripe "commanders" in rank.  Usually depends on the type and size of ship.  An aircraft carrier etc. will have the rank of a captain in charge whereas a frigate would usually only have a commanders rank.
Jun 27, 2013 4:28PM
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Any ship/boat commander is called Captain (or Cap'n) regardless of his naval rank. 'Nuff said!
Jun 27, 2013 4:04PM
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Definitely something congress should address. We need to decided what Cap'n. is!  I have been eating it since birth, Kind of have a craving no for it.
Jun 27, 2013 4:34PM
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After 21 years in the, the Senior Officer in command of a ship is refered to as Captain or Skipper, regardless of rank
Jun 27, 2013 6:12PM
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It does carve up the roof of my mouth, but I love them!
Jun 27, 2013 5:24PM
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i got once got bit by count chocula.(he left two chocolate chip scabs on my neck).. now at night i get up and crave any kind of chocolate. i can drink a half gallon chocolate milk in seconds....im thinking about a chocolate milk I.V.....the more expensive the chocolate milk the faster it disappears.....
Jun 27, 2013 5:46PM
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My evening meal consists of a bowl of Cap'n Crunch and a banana Then about 90 minutes later, I hit the sack for sweet dreams. Life is good..
Jun 27, 2013 5:18PM
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i love capn krunch!!!! I sometimes eat it so fast it will scrape the skin of the top of your mouth! and finish all of your capn crunch flavored milk too yummy!
Jun 27, 2013 5:08PM
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I don't think fictitious animated characters can actually be Naval Commanders or Captains or is Count Chocula, really a Vampire.?
Jun 28, 2013 10:34AM
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The Mutiny on the Bounty was a mutiny against their captain, " Lieutenant " William Bligh
Jun 27, 2013 5:28PM
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frankenberry was my dad his poop was pink! 
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