'Daily Show' takes down gold hoarders

With Bible verses and beryllium, Jon Stewart laces into pundits who thought the commodity was immune to market forces.

By Jason Notte Apr 25, 2013 3:40PM
When gold prices plummet and folks like G. Gordon Liddy and Glenn Beck start advising investors to hoard like Yosemite Sam, there's a voice that cuts through the commodity fever to the heart of the matter: Jon Stewart's.


Back on April 15, gold prices dropped to $1,321 per ounce and hit their lowest point since cresting $1,920 per ounce in September 2011.


As convicted Watergate conspirator Liddy shilled for gold in commercial breaks and Beck blamed the slide on a shadowy cabal of government, media and otherworldly forces bent on stripping Americans of their precious gold and damning them to a life of slavery, Stewart used the pulpit on Viacom (VIA)-owned Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" earlier this week to suggest it might just be a market correction.


The market wasted little time proving him right, as prices climbed roughly 7% by Wednesday to $1,453.10 per ounce. Still, that didn't prevent Stewart from flogging Beck for his assertion that investors should listen to God by quoting decidedly anti-gold passages from the Bible's books of Exodus and Job.Image: Gold Bars (Stockbyte/SuperStock)


It also didn't prevent frequent "Daily Show" guest Jonathan Hodgman from stepping into his "deranged millionaire" character and dismissing gold as "some tawdry nugget that any smelly prospector with a pan can scoop out of a 'country crick.'" Going though a periodic table of "Investelements," Hodgman settled on only one that could be considered immune to everyday market forces: Drab, gray, carcinogenic, corrosive beryllium.


So maybe it causes a little light lung disease and has two ailments -- acute beryllium disease and chronic beryllium disease -- bearing its name. Maybe its production has decreased by more than a third in the last decade and its use is restricted to niches including nuclear weapon design and radiation window fabrication. At least the gold conspirators Beck dreads can't force beryllium off the market, as the U.S. Mint did with 0.1-ounce American Eagle bullion coins recently. It's all fun and games until you start messing with fear-fueled collectible retail investments, Stewart.


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1Comment
Apr 26, 2013 6:23AM
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"It's all fun and games until you start messing with fear-fueled collectible retail investments" Stewart.

 

I read the article and flashed back to the boob who wrote on here... I got my guns, my ammo, my gold, my (old army rations) and my transistor radio. What else do I need? Answer... a lid on that crypt.

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