'Daily Show' takes down gold hoarders
With Bible verses and beryllium, Jon Stewart laces into pundits who thought the commodity was immune to market forces.
Back on April 15, gold prices dropped to $1,321 per ounce and hit their lowest point since cresting $1,920 per ounce in September 2011.
As convicted Watergate conspirator Liddy shilled for gold in commercial breaks and Beck blamed the slide on a shadowy cabal of government, media and otherworldly forces bent on stripping Americans of their precious gold and damning them to a life of slavery, Stewart used the pulpit on Viacom (VIA)-owned Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" earlier this week to suggest it might just be a market correction.
The market wasted little time proving him right, as prices climbed roughly 7% by Wednesday to $1,453.10 per ounce. Still, that didn't prevent Stewart from flogging Beck for his assertion that investors should listen to God by quoting decidedly anti-gold passages from the Bible's books of Exodus and Job.
It also didn't prevent frequent "Daily Show" guest Jonathan Hodgman from stepping into his "deranged millionaire" character and dismissing gold as "some tawdry nugget that any smelly prospector with a pan can scoop out of a 'country crick.'" Going though a periodic table of "Investelements," Hodgman settled on only one that could be considered immune to everyday market forces: Drab, gray, carcinogenic, corrosive beryllium.
So maybe it causes a little light lung disease and has two ailments -- acute beryllium disease and chronic beryllium disease -- bearing its name. Maybe its production has decreased by more than a third in the last decade and its use is restricted to niches including nuclear weapon design and radiation window fabrication. At least the gold conspirators Beck dreads can't force beryllium off the market, as the U.S. Mint did with 0.1-ounce American Eagle bullion coins recently. It's all fun and games until you start messing with fear-fueled collectible retail investments, Stewart.
More on moneyNOW
"It's all fun and games until you start messing with fear-fueled collectible retail investments" Stewart.
I read the article and flashed back to the boob who wrote on here... I got my guns, my ammo, my gold, my (old army rations) and my transistor radio. What else do I need? Answer... a lid on that crypt.
Copyright © 2014 Microsoft. All rights reserved.
Fundamental company data and historical chart data provided by Morningstar Inc. Real-time index quotes and delayed quotes supplied by Morningstar Inc. Quotes delayed by up to 15 minutes, except where indicated otherwise. Fund summary, fund performance and dividend data provided by Morningstar Inc. Analyst recommendations provided by Zacks Investment Research. StockScouter data provided by Verus Analytics. IPO data provided by Hoover's Inc. Index membership data provided by Morningstar Inc.
[BRIEFING.COM] Stocks remain near their recent levels with the S&P 500 trading within eight points of the 2,000 mark. In our midday update, we mentioned the relative weakness of the Russell 2000, but the small-cap index has since climbed to a new session high and is now up 0.2%.
Elsewhere, the Nasdaq Composite (unch) continues trailing the broader market as biotech and chipmaker shares lag. The iShares Nasdaq Biotechnology ETF (IBB 264.52, -2.33) is lower by 0.9%, while the ... More
More Market News
A sustained rally could have important implications for American and multinational companies, potentially resounding across the stock market.
MUST-SEE ON MSN
- Video: Easy DIY smoked meats at home
A charcuterie master shares his process for cold-smoking meat at home.
- Jetpacks about to go mainstream
- Weird things covered by home insurance
- Bing: 70 percent of adults report 'digital eye strain'