Titanic II: Meet the worst sequel ever
An Australian billionaire is building a replica of the doomed ship to cruise the Northern Atlantic. Fate has never been tempted on such a grand scale.
Sorry, Celine, but apparently love can touch us more than one time and still last for a lifetime.
On an already long list of well-intentioned, but regrettable Titanic tributes that include the re-release of James Cameron's 1997 film in 3D last year and Valentine's Day suitors presenting their would-be Kate Winslets with replica Heart of the Ocean pendants from Amazon, Australian billionaire Clive Palmer on Tuesday announced plans to build a new version of the ill-fated ship.
He also wants to follow the same North Atlantic route from Southampton, England, to New York City, and he says some 40,000 people have already expressed interest.
Twitter users' fast trending reaction: Good luck with that.
Between comparisons to the sequester spending cuts, over-under estimates on the number of nude sketches commissioned on the first voyage, suggestions that a post-global-warming North Atlantic might be friendlier to Leonardo DiCaprio this time around and a whole lot of links to this Onion front page, Palmer's project is drawing far more amateur comedians than customers at this point. In Palmer's view, however, some of them may have a point.
"One of the benefits of global warming is there hasn't been as many icebergs in the North Atlantic these days," Palmer said while unveiling his plans at New York's Intrepid Air and Space Museum.
If that's the kind of science passengers can expect for this voyage, Skrillex better start working on that "Nearer My God To Thee" remix for the cruise's final scream-filled deck party. Just five years ago, The Telegraph reported that NASA had spotted more icebergs than ever off the Canadian coast, thanks to global warming's damaging effect on the ice caps.
As if it weren't folly enough to replicate a cruise in which only 700 of 2,200 passengers survived, let's broaden the scope of bad ideas a bit more. Markku Kanerva, director of sales for Finnish company Deltamarin that's designing the ship, is already calling it "the safest cruise ship in the world." As a reminder, its predecessor's builders considered Titanic unsinkable.
Mashable also notes that all passengers will be in early-1900s costumes for the maiden voyage. Good, because it wouldn't be authentic without all that billowing formalwear to help male passengers masquerade as women or to weigh women down in freezing Arctic waters.
Besides, cruise ships not named Titanic have fared just fine at sea in recent years. Isn't that right, Costa Concordia passengers?
Doubling down on what went down? Or staying too long at them brandy-and-ceegar get-togethers with the boys?
Either way, you'd better have unprecedented security on the hull the whole voyage. This is wearing a target if ever there was one!
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