Consider your alternatives. If one of you is working simply to provide health insurance for the other, you may have other options -- or you may not. Trying to get an individual health insurance policy is tough when you're older, particularly if you have pre-existing health conditions, which many people in their 50s and 60s do.
Health insurers will be required to cover everyone, regardless of pre-existing conditions, starting in 2014, but we have no idea yet how affordable those policies will be. In the meantime, you can work with an experienced insurance agent to see what's possible in your state. You may be able to find an affordable policy if you're in excellent health and willing to stay within a health maintenance organization or accept a high deductible. If the reason one of you is still working isn't health insurance but lack of savings, perhaps the retired person can look for a part-time job to pitch in. That could shorten the time the working person has to stay on the job while filling up some of those hours that can weigh heavily on the lone retiree.
Manage your expectations. Conflicts are almost inevitable when one person is making the surprisingly hard transition into post-work life while the other is still dealing with commutes and office politics. Compassion, communication and compromise can help enormously.
Those compromises could include a retirement different than what you originally planned. As noted above, the retiree could go back to work part time, or the still-working spouse could phase into part-time work earlier than he or she might otherwise prefer, if that's a financially sound option. You may decide you'll spend less than you originally planned so you can get the second spouse retired, or semiretired, while the first is still in good enough health to enjoy retirement.
New roles, new expectations
Financial planner Ross Levin of Edina, Minn. said his clients who have negotiated this one-retired, one-not dilemma the most successfully are the ones who have pursued their own interests while still making time for each other. A retired spouse who has a passion for photography that his wife doesn't share could, for example, schedule photo trips on his own or with a like-minded group of enthusiasts. Then her vacation time can be spent doing things with him that they enjoy doing together.
Renegotiating household chores is another good idea, since the still-working spouse is likely to resent a retired spouse who doesn't take over more of the housework. That willingness to pitch in might not just relieve stress -- it can help the working spouse pursue his or her dreams even before retirement.
One reader reported that her husband, who is 21 years older, has been retired for three years and has taken over most child care duties.
"It is great," she reported on my Facebook fan page. "He is 'Mr. Mom,' which has enabled me to go back to school at night to finish my degree."
Liz Weston is the Web's most-read personal-finance writer. She is the author of several books, most recently "The 10 Commandments of Money: Survive and Thrive in the New Economy" (find it on Bing). Weston's award-winning columns appear every Monday and Thursday, exclusively on MSN Money. Join the conversation and send in your financial questions on Liz Weston's Facebook fan page.
