Must. Resist. The Snuggie.
The people in the Snuggies marketing department are evil geniuses.
Last year when the Snuggie commercial came out, it was just another silly product with a fun commercial -- although not nearly as fun as the ShamWow. When a parody went viral on YouTube, I was laughing along with everyone else. And when my neighbor admitted to actually owning one, I patted her on the arm and told her how much I appreciate her as a constant source of amusement.
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t actually think the idea is completely ridiculous. When I was a tween, our family lived in a small town in Western Illinois, in a region called Forgottonia. That it was in Forgottonia has no relevance at all to this story except that I really couldn’t believe that there was actually a Wikipedia entry about it and needed an excuse to add a link, but one thing that I will personally never forget about that area was that in the winter it got really, really cold.
It probably didn’t help that we lived in a drafty old house and were situated right across the street from a big cornfield that did nothing at all to block the wind -- but at some point, cold is cold.
So anyway, back then my brother and I actually had the coolest things ever. They were sleeping bags made with actual cotton and stuffing (not fleece), with a bottom that could be unzipped if you wanted to walk around or zipped closed if you wanted to sit on the sofa. That was cool enough, but the best part was the top. The zipper was actually in the front (not on the side like a regular sleeping bag), and the top, when opened, was kind of this big wing thing. When you folded down the sides around your neck, you could snap them into the body of the bag and make arm holes.
There you were, all nice and wrapped in cotton, reading your book and thinking it really was OK that your mother had some kind of personal issue with the heating company, because you were going to be fine.
But the Snuggies are NOT that cool, and I have no intention of getting one -- except that they’re everywhere now. They’re in my grocery store. They’re in my office supply store. There are Snuggies for dogs. There are people who wear them out to bars -- and there is actually a Snuggie Pub Crawl Web site.
And a couple of weeks ago, right there on the cover of a Brookstone catalog, what did I see? A beautiful brunette woman lounging uncomfortably on her very plush sofa while doing her two holiday cards for the season (really, it’s an odd image), wearing a very understated tan “n-a-p Comfy Ultra-Plush Blanket with Sleeves.” Yes, for twice the price of an actual Snuggie, you can feel OK with the fact that you have a fleece blanket with arms, because you got it at Brookstone.
The people in the Snuggie marketing department are evil geniuses, I tell you. They know that if they can get this product placed in every single store I will go into over the next month, the odds are that at some point I will break down and purchase one, even though I don’t like fleece, can’t actually wrap myself up in a closed bag like I could when I was little, and most importantly, own several blankets that really aren’t that difficult to maneuver in if I want to read a book or snuggle with one of my kids.
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So. Here we are. I am saying publicly that I am not going to purchase one -- indeed, I’m not even going to own one. I don’t want one as a gift, I don’t even want the temptation to take it out of the box just to see if it’s comfy. Don’t send me one. Really, I mean it. Especially not in the burgundy color.
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