Excuse me for being a killjoy, but someone's gotta do it. The Dow's shiny new record high isn't evidence of a robust economy, stronger job growth, accelerating corporate profitability, growing global trade flows, or a sustainable rise in consumer or business confidence.

No. This is a victory for the bureaucrats and central planners who, in a strategy we once thought reserved for the communists in Moscow, Beijing, and Pyongyang, have manipulated interest rates and devalued our currency to forward a singular goal: Boost the markets as a last gasp effort to boost the economy.

It's not working. Not only is it not working, but it's sucking retirees and weakened households -- who are increasingly tapping their retirement accounts to pay bills and buy food -- into a third market bubble. Here's why.

But the Fed's insistence to keep pushing whenever the stock market catches a cold has resulted in record gas prices, a widening of the inequality between rich and poor, and undercut the ability of seniors to find low-risk investments that will protect them from the ravages of inflation.

And it's resulted in the weakest, most underwhelming economic recovery of the modern era.

I care, and I believe most Americans care, more about a near 8% unemployment rate, $4 a gallon gasoline, persistent inflation in housing rents and health care costs, higher taxes, stagnant wages, and the fact that six million fewer Americans are working full-time vs. the 2007 high -- even as the population has swelled by 12.3 million over that time.

So yes, forgive me for withholding excitement.

And the fundamentals are set to weaken even more as deficit cutting in Washington -- done out of fear of fresh credit rating downgrades and a descent into a Japanese-style debt spiral --cuts at least 1.5% from GDP growth this year, at a time when the economy is barely treading water.

Let's see how consumers react to higher fuel prices, higher taxes, fewer government benefits, and a drop in disposable incomes.

Overseas, fresh recessions are nipping the heels of most of Europe and Japan. The Eurozone crisis is about to flare up again, with protesters in the streets of Portugal, the French economy succumbing to a manufacturing slump, political chaos in Italy, and a backsliding on deficit targets in Spain.

And let's consider the health of the market itself.

The Dow is a price-weighted index that has relied heavily on IBM (IBM), which pulls the rest of the index around by the scruff of the neck because of its $200+ per share price tag, to carry it higher.

Broader measures of the market, such as the NYSE Composite Index and the Russell 2000 have already topped out and are now merely retesting their February highs. Cyclical, economically-sensiti​ve stocks have been flat lining since January. And key commodities like copper and crude oil remain well of their highs.

Most importantly, and I hate to keep harping on this point, but breadth remains very, very mediocre.

Stocks have been forced higher seven days in a row and yet the percentage of NYSE stocks above their 50-day moving average remains under 70% -- well off of the near 90% level reached in January. There were fewer than 1,500 net advancing issues on the NYSE on Tuesday -- below the 1,500+ result seen in late February and unimpressive compared to the near 1,750 net declining issues seen during the recent selloff. And NYSE up volume accounted for just 79% of total volume -- below the 87% seen in late February and unimpressive compared to the near 90% down volume day seen on February 25.

There's more. The CBOE Volatility Index (VIX) is off of its February low as it forms a positive divergence vs. stocks -- a harbinger of trouble. And utility and health care stocks are the breakout performers -- hardly a sign of confidence in the future of the economy.

The one thing this market has working in its favor is momentum fueled by cheap money --which, if memory serves, was exactly what drove the housing bubble, too. If you thought Miami condos and Las Vegas tract homes were great investments in 2006 and 2007, then by all means pile into stocks.

If not, as I've been recommending for weeks, use the enthusiasm to your advantage by booking profits in stock positions and raising your exposure to beaten down "safe haven" assets like Treasury bonds, precious metals, and even cash. In currencies, the euro looks vulnerable as well. The ProShares UltraShort Euro (EUO) position I added to my Edge Letter Sample Portfolio is up 5.2% since February 20.

Disclosure: Anthony has recommended EUO to his clients.

Be sure to check out Anthony's new investment newsletter, the Edge, and his money management service, Mirhaydari Capital Management. A two-week free trial has been extended to MSN Money readers. Click the link above to sign up. Mirhaydari can be contacted at anthony@edgeletter.c​​om and followed on Twitter at @EdgeLetter. You can view his current stock picks here. Feel free to comment below.